Thank you for having 4 minutes to explore life – useful lessons. Read and breathe slowly.
One thing is sure; you cannot avoid criticism as long as you are human. These lessons we have missed to learn as children, and now they became a cause of many job frustrations and relationships. Do you know why criticism bothers you so much? Many people inadequately accept criticism by:
Taking it personally without considering what is behind,
Reacting personally to the criticizer,
Avoiding critics by blaming someone else.
Yes, it is painful, it is uncomfortable, but you cannot expect to grow and be better without it. Before you start working on yourself and learning how to master these situations, you must know that you cannot be responsible for others perceptions of you. Some people will have similar interest and set of beliefs, but others may express criticism which comes from their experience, anger, resentment, their vision of the world around them.
Master following simple steps and improve your relationships at work, with family, and any other situation.
Think and become AWARE of your thoughts and inner dialogue when you are criticized
What happens with your inner dialogue when you receive critic? Do you immediately think negative and defensive thoughts? Try to remember your last situation when someone criticized you. Define your way of thinking: was it logical or emotional? Once you are aware of how you process critic you can control it.
Detach yourself from critic words
Easy to say, hard to do? It is not. You can use this simple technique which can help you stay resourceful whenever you receive critic. HOW ? Just imagine and see all the words of criticism in “bubble cloud” coming to you. These critic words cannot hurt you when they are in “bubble cloud.” Do you agree? You can calmly accept everything that comes to you because you know, it cannot hurt you. It is just a word in the bubble. Reframing allows you to detach yourself from emotional reaction and see the true meaning. Remember, you have one perspective, criticizer has another. Add on that all set of beliefs, environment, and it is clear that there is no way to understand each other if we do not change the perspective.
Redefine argument and find positive resolution
The best way to eliminate defensive attitude is by asking questions. For example, let’s suppose you have some conversation with your boss.
Boss: Well, your results are not good. We think you have difficulty acting as our representative
You: I agree that I am not completely aligned with everyone. Tell me specifically where you think I need to improve?
By admitting that you are capable of making mistakes you allow another side to reevaluate thinking and explain the meaning. Do not think that you cannot defend yourself or feel anger when you are criticized. However, in that case, you will not learn how to increase your skills, and unfortunately, you will stay where you are. The smart way is to use the collaborative approach to explore benefits of criticism. But to really make the best of every conversation you will need to upgrade your skills and learn how to apply different approaches. One of the most practical tools in that area is NLP ( Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
It is up to you to accept the challenge of reframing criticism and using it as a learning experience. On this way of self-development, you will need perseverance and willingness to change. Tools are certainly not secret anymore. Explore, learn, master your life.
What can you do next?
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